


I Fell In Love The Way You Fall Asleep

by ipreferlemonpie



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipreferlemonpie/pseuds/ipreferlemonpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took him eight days to make me fall in love, and three seconds to utter the words that would break my heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Fell In Love The Way You Fall Asleep

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the lyrics written here, they belong to their respective owners.
> 
>  
> 
> Why are the lyrics there? They inspired me to write this. 
> 
> ...Also, I'm too tired to write commands so there's nothing in italica, bold, or centered because I'm tired and my prom trip starts on tuesday and I have to pack my things tomorrow and ugh. I need sleep.

It only took him eight days to make me fall in love, and three seconds to utter the words that would break my heart.

[Vacations and shopping sprees, these are a few of her favorite things]

“We are going cruising!”   
That was the sentence that changed all my summer plans and, probably, my life.  
My mom being who she was made decisions without consulting anyone, or at least, she was like that when it came to vacations, parties, dinners, holidays and the like. She was very impulsive, crazy and affectionate; she always wanted to know what happened in your life while my dad was the exact opposite.   
My dad would just nod when you talked, never opening his mouth (while my mom wouldn’t stop talking), he would never ask questions, never wanted to know anything about you and his way of showing affection would be with money and with things that money could buy, he was my mom’s opposite.  
In my seventeen years of life, I’ve only heard my dad talk fifty three times (directly at me, but well, it’s not like I see him that much, I barely see him at all. We only live in the same house when he’s got vacations because if not, he lives in his own little business world while I’m in my own personal bubble). Thirteen of those rare occasions were to wish me happy birthday, another thirteen to tell me I can buy whatever I want (this is for my birthday too), another eight to ask me how I’m doing (not that he expects anything detailed or complex), other thirteen times to wish me a Merry Christmas (that actually means that I can buy whatever I want). Three times to “scold” me about dropping my grades, six times to tell me he didn’t want to know anything that happened in my bedroom with my boyfriends (or toys as he called them), two to keep the noise (moans) down (since then, I only use the farthest spare room when I bring my boyfriends over), five to tell me to get well soon (I’ve been in the hospital too often for my liking) and three times to congratulate me for my awards.   
But even if he weren’t talking to me, he would only speak when spoken to directly, and even in those times, his answers tended to be short and concise, ending the conversation, except with my mom, he seemed to be somehow gentler and she would never take the hint and would keep on talking. And then… he was as good as mute.  
“What?” I ask my mom, dumbfounded.   
“Yup, yup, my baby boy, we’re going to sail into the Caribbean seas!” She squeals and holds her hands close to her chest in wonder, her eyes sparkling like blue stars. “There are going to be cute guys there, really cute guys...” She adds and winks at me.  
Oh yeah, I’m a boy, a gay boy (and fucking proud, mind you!).  
“That doesn’t mean they are gay too, mom,” I roll my eyes and keep eating my basil, mozzarella, tomato and prosciutto sandwich. I love tomatoes, cheese and prosciutto.   
…I love cheese with strawberry marmalade too, and Nutella. God, Nutella is my favorite thing in the whole world. I loved most French, Italian, Japanese and Peruvian cuisine. But I’m not too fond of chicken, and I almost completely hate seafood, but I love pasta, and salads and sweets.   
Okay, in general I love food.  
“There’s going to be food…” She coaxes. “Five forks cuisine. Italian, French and Peruvian five forks cuisine…”   
My eyes snap back up to her, she’s inspecting her nails carefreely like she wasn’t just trying to bribe me seconds ago. I glare but then mutter something that sounds somewhat like “fine” and she breaks her relaxed and carefree appearance just to go all around the kitchen island to hug me.  
“Yes!” She cries out in happiness. “I knew you’d agree!”   
“Only because you pulled the food card,” I mutter and she giggles.  
“You’re so adorable Darcy,” I always thought, and still think, that my mom’s French accent made my name sound so pretty.   
She smiles at me as we pull out and I have to look down at her because she’s so small compared to me (though I’m not that tall either).  
She’s 5 feet tall, and weights around 100 pounds, while I’m 5’6” and weight 118 pounds. Okay, I am small, but she’s tiny though! I look more like my mum than I do to my dad.  
My mom is petite. She has short-to-the-shoulders chocolate brown hair and blueberry eyes; her skin is pale and has full red lips and a charming smile. Her eyes are always tinkling with kindness and happiness; she has a few freckles on the bridge of her nose. She’s really feminine and fragile. She is beautiful, incredibly so.   
My dad… is a manly elegant man. He is tough like a man should be but highly elegant and classy, with sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw. His blond hair is styled back, he’s got gray intense eyes, thin lips, manly big hands, square shoulders and a broad back, and yeah, he is tall, like really tall, around 6’6”. He is handsome.   
And then, there’s me.   
I have feminine factions and I’m fragile all around. I have white dandelion seed hair (it is ironic really, my name means dark), big lilac eyes with long and curly eyelashes, pale skin, full red lips with a charming smile, and I am petite. And if I weren’t agile like a cat I would probably break a bone every freaking time I were to fall, that’s how fragile I am. I have long pianist fingers that form a fragile girly hand.   
I love dancing, acting, playing music, reading and drawing just like my mom, I am all for the arts and nowhere near the business world my dad wants me to follow, not that he has ever mentioned it to me (because he knows I’m “too gay to function”), but I know he wants me to, because well, it’s obvious.  
“Well, go pack, because it’s going to be a good, good trip!” She joyfully says and I roll my eyes at her childish, naïve antics.   
“Mom, sometimes it feels like I’m the mature one.”  
“Oh, but maturity doesn’t come with the years or the age, but with the mind and experiences,” she grins as she says so, winking at me. “You keep me young, my dear child.”  
I smile and shake my head in disbelief.   
“How much time does the cruise last?”   
“Thirteen days,” she answers and starts pouring herself some orange juice and making a prosciutto sandwich just like mine. “We’re leaving tomorrow, so hurry up!”  
“Tomorrow?” I gasp and stare at her with wide eyes. “I’ve got to cancel all my plans now! Gosh, and Adrian had invited me to this party and he’s so hot damn it.”   
“Don’t swear, Darcy!” She orders and I cower slightly, my mom hates curse words.  
“I’m sorry,” I apologize and look down. “I’m gonna go pack now.”  
“What would you like to eat tonight?” She randomly asks and I shrug.  
“Tell Gaston to make lasagna,” I say before leaving the kitchen. “Oh, by the way, does dad know?”  
“Yes, he does, darling!” She exclaims as she slices a tomato. “I called him first thing four days ago.”  
“…You waited ‘till the very last moment to tell me?”  
“Yes,” her smile is so beautiful and true that I can’t help but smile too. “Go pack now, darling.”  
“Fine mum,” I say as I walk out with an “I love you, sweetheart!” caressing my ears.

[He had to get up and he ain’t coming home now]

“Darcy Aschenbach, tell me you’re not disappearing for the summer!” Screeched my best friend Nanda, she was really pretty and talented, but she was loud (and somewhat of an airhead sometimes).  
We, as in her, two other friends, Aiden and Louis, and me, were chatting via Skype, I had reunited our group just to tell them that I had to cancel my plans.  
“I’m sorry,” I apologize because she knew that when I did this kind of thing was just to tell them that I was leaving. “I’m gonna go on a cruise and then I’ll come back to pack again and then I’m leaving for Europe, my dad finally got vacations.”  
“UGH!” She whines and pouts cutely. “You are the worst Darcy Aschenbach! I absolutely HATE YOU!”   
“Oh my God, shut up already Nanda!” growls Aiden, almost crushing his cigarette between his fingers.  
“Yeah, you get kind of annoying sometimes,” Louis adds meekly, he’s just too nice.  
“Fine, you assholes, I’ll leave if you hate me that much!” She roars before shutting her video, she was still on though.  
I’ll bring you something.  
I type in the chat bar and wait for her to answer.  
Fine, thank you, faggot.  
I want to giggle and I actually do, I just couldn’t get angry when those three called me names, it was almost endearing.   
Love ya too, slut.  
“Bye guys, see ya in a few weeks!” I say before logging off and closing my Macbook pro and packing it in my bag.   
“Darcy, hurry up! We’re leaving in five!” Yells my mom from downstairs, and I comply, grabbing my hand bag (no, it wasn’t girly; it was just a plain black messenger bag). “And you better not be wearing a turtle neck!”  
I blush and glare at the wall, before taking off the mentioned turtle neck and changing it for a short sleeved v-neck shirt.  
“’M not!” I answer back, at least, not anymore.

[Hey now, there’s nothing for free]

“I don’t know why you worry so much about time if we’re taking the jet,” I say as I take out my pretty white iPhone before connecting my Beats by Dre to it. I had two Beats, the black wireless Beats (the ones I’m using now), and my pretty white Studio ones.   
I love music.  
“Because, Darcy, the cruise leaves at a certain time and we cannot have the luxury to be late,” my mom answers as she takes my father’s arm in hers, guiding us to the VIP room.   
“We can always take a helicopter…” I offer but she just glares at me, I pout.  
“It surprises me you’re actually wearing a t-shirt,” my dad says looking at me and I get flustered, forgetting how to speak for a second. Fifty four times! FIFTY FOUR!  
“Yeah, well, we’re going to a cruise ship, aren’t we?” I say with a roll of my eyes, and he just nods, sitting on one of the black elegant couches and taking out his laptop, probably working on something. I sigh, and sit down on the loveseat in front of them. “Mum, what’s the ship’s name?”  
“Grandeur of the Seas,” she says excitedly. “It’s a new one.”  
“Oh,” I don’t say anything else; I just hope it doesn’t end like Titanic.  
“The first night is a Gala party,” she says as she takes out the brochure. “Hope you packed a suit.”  
“What?” I ask dumbfounded stopping midway of putting my headphones on.  
“Yes, Gala night, didn’t I tell you?”  
“No.”  
“Oops! My bad, I’ll buy you a suit in Miami, okay?” She says with a small, apologizing smile.   
“Mom, you know they won’t fit!” I whine, I’m too small so I have to buy suits in handmade clothing stores.  
“I know you only buy Anderson & Sheppard or Caraceni suits, but the best they have is probably Armani, so we’ll buy one there, okay?”  
“Mum, now you’re making me sound like a spoiled brat,” I exclaim with an indignant scowl, finishing the conversation as I put my Beats on, but even if I have them on, I know she probably just said that I am a spoiled brat.  
But well, when my music is ON, the world is OFF.  
That’s my motto.  
Not really, but it’s pretty damn close.

[Fall asleep and dream]

“This is your room,” my mom says as she opens the door her right with a card key, and then, before giving it to me, motions to the one to her left. “And that one is ours.”  
“Okay,” I nod just to let her know that I really was listening to her.   
The room was quite spacious and had a balcony, which I loved already, a flat screen TV, a dining table, a full kitchenette, sofas, a coffee table, it had its own bathroom (which had a Jacuzzi) and well, it was a VIP room so yeah, leave it to your imagination. I’m too lazy to describe it.   
My luggage was already there so I just closed the door behind me and flopped onto the bed, I was already tired and I hadn’t done anything.   
I decided to take a nap before the Gala party, like I mean, why not? It’s my vacations I can take a nap if I feel like it and I won’t miss the Gala, of that I was sure.

[We use our penguin costumes more than our evening dress]

“This is fucking boring,” I mutter resting my head on my arms wishing I would have missed the Gala, I was currently sitting by myself in a table for four, my parents had gone to the dance floor and were, well, dancing, that’s why they went to the fucking dance floor.  
Yes. First fucking curse word I really use out loud, you’ll be hearing a lot like this one, once I really get out of the hold of my mom.   
“Hey.”  
My head snaps up to seek the owner of the voice, and I was surprised to find it was a familiar face. It was no other than Christopher, Nanda’s boyfriend.   
“Hey,” I greet back and he smiles. He was… cute, I guess, he had brown hair and eyes like honey, his smiles were always kind and gentle. He was a nice guy but not my type, at all.   
“Wouldn’t have guessed you would be here,” he offers and I shrug as he sits down beside me.  
“Maybe that’s why Nanda was so mad, we both left her alone,” I tell him and he chuckles.  
“But that girl has lots of friends,” he looks at me straight in the eye with a strange twinkling.  
“True, but we are the most special ones,” I wink at him and he chuckles again and I chuckle too, at what? I don’t know, but his laugh was contagious.  
“Hey Darcy, can I ask you something?” He asks with a serious face.  
“You just did,” I smile lopsidedly and he chuckles again, I grab my drink and say before taking a sip from it. “Sure, go ahead.”  
“Has there ever been something between you and Nanda?”   
My eyes widen and I choke in surprise, coughing as I feel the liquid going through the wrong path.  
“What? No. Never,” I answer quickly as I try to regain my breathing. “Ugh, no.”  
“No? Oh well, then I guessed wrong, though you two seem pretty close,” he shrugs and looks away blushing lightly. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.  
“It’s okay, don’t worry,” I tranquilize him, and look down nervously. “You really don’t know?”  
“Don’t know what?” He looks with confusion at me and I sigh.  
“I thought you knew…”  
“Knew what?” He asks again, impatiently.   
“That I’m gay,” I say simply and he looks at me with wide eyes.  
“You are? Oh, sorry dude, I didn’t know, sorry if I made it awkward by asking that, before, you know,” he starts rambling and I giggle at his antics.  
“Chill man, it’s okay.”  
“Okay…”  
“Relax,” I smile and he smiles back at me, he was really nice, now I know why he was Nanda’s boyfriend. “Wanna dance?” I wink at him and his eyes widen and he starts to shake his head from side to side frantically.  
“No, sorry but no…”   
I laugh at his expression, all wide eyes and blushing cheeks.  
“Chill, I was joking,” he visibly relaxes and his mouth forms an “o” when I say this and he smiles, laughing slightly.  
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I take it out, just to realize it was a text from Adrian.   
“Hey man, I got to go, my brother is calling me, see ya around,” he says and I hum in confirmation, typing a reply to Adrian’s monosyllable text.  
“Yeah, sure, see you,” I answer as I finished typing a long and complex paragraph about how bored I was and how badly I wanted to sex him up right now.  
If maybe I had been paying attention and would have looked up, I would have probably seen the man of my life sooner.

[The kind of lack of respect that I adore]

“Are you enjoying yourself?” My mom asks me as I flop down beside her.  
We were in front of the pool, just drinking the sun in, she was forcing me because I was pale as milk and because the past five days, I had been locked up in my room just going out at night to dance and eat and whatnot.   
“Not really,” I shrug and say honestly, I didn’t like the sun and I was bored, like, utterly bored.  
“Darcy, if you weren’t my son I would have hit you,” she says with the same honesty as me, I had taken that from her, I was a really honest, straight forward person and I liked that.  
“I know,” I say as I close my eyes after taking my iPhone out and putting my wireless Beats on, time for some good, old All Time Low, The Ready Set and Sleeping With Sirens.  
I loved tranquility and that’s what these headphones offered me, I couldn’t hear anything but my music and that made me really damn happy… only that I would have been glad if I could have heard or seen what was coming.   
“Shit!” I curse as I rub my belly, a football ball had crashed, full force, on to my stomach and it hurt like hell.  
“Fuck, sorry mate, you okay?” I open my eyes just to blink stupidly a few times before answering the voice with the British accent.  
“Yeah, I mean no, I’m not okay, that hurt, you know?” I say looking down, trying not to blush. 

[O is for the only one I see]

Before me, I had the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. He was probably around his early twenties and had perfect features and body. He had raven hair perfectly cropped over his forehead and falling down just below his earlobes (it looked so soft), one golden eye and one silver that should only be found in cats, high cheekbones, a perfect nose and perfect teeth as seen in his bright smile. His body… well, he was sort of pale-ish for a cruise ship (but never near as pale as me), with a broad back and shoulders, he was tall, and he had abs and pecs, and his arms… God, those were arms. He looked strong and manly yet kind of feminine, just how I liked my men. He had tattoos, one on his left hip, and on his inner arm, at least, I could only see those.  
“Yah, I bet, I’m sorry,” he said with a charming smile as he extends his hand. His British accent was endearing. “I’m Ian, by the way.”  
“Apology accepted,” I say as we do the man shake every man must know, even gay ones. “I’m Darcy.”  
“Darcy…” He mumbles under his breath and scrunching his brow in concentration. “I’ve heard that name before.”  
“Probably, even if it isn’t that common, you probably have heard it before, at least once,” I say rolling my eyes; I tried not to be too gay, whenever I met cute boys I always tended to be a little bit too gay, so I was trying to control myself because he oozed straight vibes.  
“Probably,” he shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets.  
“Ian, what the hell is taking you that long?” I looked up only to meet Christopher, again. “Oh, hey Darcy, didn’t see you there, was it you I hit with the ball?”  
“Yeah,” I try not to sound surprised, as it seems they knew each other.  
“Sorry ‘bout that man,” he grins and then notices Ian standing there awkwardly. “So it seems you’ve met my brother.”  
“Your brother?”   
“Yeah, he’s my big bro,” he grins and chuckles and I do too, just to be polite. Thank God, I was a good actor.  
“That’s where I heard your name!” Ian exclaims suddenly, snapping his fingers. “Chris was talking about you the other day!”  
“Oh,” I blink and look at Chris, so he mentioned me to his brother? I wonder why.  
“He said you were his girlfriend’s best friend or something,” he shrugs. “He was jealous.” He laughs and even if I didn’t found it funny, I chuckled because his laugh was sweet like honey and contagious.  
“Oh shut up,” the brunette growls halfheartedly with hints of a smile in the corners of his mouth.  
“I don’t think Nanda would go for you though, you’re too girly, I think,” Ian says to me directly and I blush.  
“’M not!” I respond as I glare at him.  
“You are,” he rolls his eyes and it felt like I had known him forever.  
“You are…” agrees Christopher and I glare at both of them.  
“Go away then, you probably have plenty other things than to be with an effeminate boy,” I pout and sit down again, my mom giggles and I whimper, she had heard everything.   
“Darcy dear, you are really effeminate, don’t try to deny it, you took after me,” my mom takes her sunglasses off and smiles at the boys that still were in front of us. “Hello, my name is Michelle, and I’m Darcy’s mum.”  
“Nice to meet you Ma’am,” Ian salutes and Chris does too.   
“The pleasure is all mine and please, call me Michelle.”  
“Will do,” Ian grins and I want the sea to eat me up, because boy, I knew that the butterflies in my stomach were waking up and starting to fly. And I didn’t want that.  
“Darcy,” my mum calls and I turn to look at her, “Have fun and stop being such an emo.”  
I gasp indignantly, glaring at her, she was a cruel mother. Very, very cruel indeed. Ian and Chris just laugh at my expense, and I turn my deathly glare at them, this just makes Ian’s laugh to rise and I pout, crossing my eyes.  
“You’re all mean to me,” I mumble. “Go ahead, bully the gay kid.” My eyes widen for a fraction of second at realizing my slip, and I glance up at Ian, hiding behind my bangs, to see his reaction. He didn’t seem to care but he was watching me with an amused expression.  
“Aw, darling, don’t be like that,” my mom coos at me with an amused smile. “We don’t bully you because you’re gay, but because you’re undeniably cute.”  
“And I just find your mom really funny,” Christopher adds and offers me a hand, not sure if for truce or to help me stand up, so I just shake his hand and use it as impulse afterwards to stand up.  
“You can have her if you want to.”  
“Darcy!” My mom’s squeak makes the corner of my lips twitch and I can’t fight the smile so I shrug.  
“Payback,” I wink at her before turning to the two boys, guessing my mom would take the cue and continue her reading. “So, guys… I’m hungry, wanna grab some lunch?”   
“I can’t,” Christopher makes a face and looks at me apologetically. “I promised my mom I would lunch with her. Maybe another time?” He raised his eyebrows and I nodded.  
“I’m free though,” Ian shrugs and looks at me from under his bangs, his hands fly to his pockets and rest there.   
“Then, wanna go grab some lunch?” I bite the inside of my lip and cross my fingers behind my back, wanting him to say no but hoping he’d say yes. 

[I was born this way]

“You sure eat a lot,” Ian states nonchalantly as I finish my dessert, I glance up and stick my tongue out at him. “For being so skinny.”  
“Not your business,” I roll my eyes and stretch, finally satisfied.   
“So…”  
“So…” I mimicked, raising both eyebrows, I couldn’t just lift one. My eyebrows just loved doing everything together.  
“You’re gay.” He states with a blank face, making it impossible to read his emotions.  
“What about it?” I say cautiously, squinting at him with a frown.  
“Nothing, really,” he smiles innocently, though his eyes had a mischievous look to them. “Just thinking it isn’t that surprising.”  
“What do you mean?” I ask, taken aback by his answer.  
“The way you look and act,” he responds matter-of-factly with a shrug. “Pretty queer if you ask me.”  
“For your information, there are pretty manly gay men out there, I would know,” I hiss, glaring slightly.  
“I know that, but I didn’t mean to offend you. Don’t get so defensive, chill.” He rolls his eyes but puts his hands up, as if in truce. I release a deep, long sigh and close my eyes for a few seconds before reopening them.  
“Sorry,” I bite my lip and glance up at him through my eyelashes, my neck kinda hot now. “It’s just that… I’m… always kind of defensive on this topic because of past experiences.”  
“I understand,” he stares at me straight in the eye, and it felt as if he was looking into my very soul, with those cat eyes of his. “Don’t worry.” I bite my lip anxiously and look away, sweeping the whole room with my eyes, trying to avoid his so very intense gaze.   
There were very few people as it was early for lunch, but in this small group, I noticed a gay couple and couldn’t help but smile softly, and as I observed them quietly I noticed, thanks that they weren’t that far away, the wedding gold bands around their ring fingers. And looking at them I realized that, one day, I wished to be married with a man I loved, with someone to spend the rest of my life and to be happy with, happier than ever before.   
I sighed contently and returned my eyes to Ian, just to discover that the man, with his unnerving gaze, was already staring at me.  
“I have to go now, but wanna hang out tomorrow?”  
I smiled at the proposal and nodded, he smiled back and stood up, handing me his hand to help me out of my chair with mock gentleman-ness, I rolled my eyes and smacked his hand away. He almost looked offended, almost. 

[L if for the way you look at me]  
“Let’s call Christopher, maybe he wants to hang out too,” I say with a shrug while stuffing my hands in the pockets of my knee high skinny jeans.   
“Nah, he’s probably with his other friends,” Ian grins and stares at me in the eyes, I really tried to keep his stare but I couldn’t, it was too hard. “Why do you go all fidgety when I look at you?” I blush instantly, and bite my lip nervously.   
“Your eyes make me uneasy…” I whisper, again avoiding his intense golden and silver eyes. “Your stare shouldn’t belong in a human face.”  
“Makes me intimidating, doesn’t it? Like I’m staring into your soul,” he says, a sad undertone in his voice, and I had to glance up to confirm it, but he was no longer staring me down. “That’s why I’m a loner, people despise my eyes. Even when I was a child, I was called freak.”  
“But they are beautiful,” I say absentmindedly, loud enough for him to hear, and as usual, I only realize what I say after I’ve said it, so the only thing I could do was blush and look down at my feet like they were the most interesting thing on Earth.   
“Well, thank you, Darcy. Not many people say that,” I can hear the grin on his voice so my eyes snapped to his face and I’m glad they did, because there, in front of me, was the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, one that reaches his eyes and makes them sparkle like falling stars. As if he was touched by moon and sun at the moment of his birth. 

[do you really wanna throw your heart away?]

My breath catches in my throat as I stare at him, mesmerized at such impossible beauty. I bite my lip furiously, mad at myself for falling for the kindness that his expression offers, mad because of my love for beautiful things, things that I can toy and break at my will, at my selfishness. Because I didn’t believe in love and believed in chemical reactions I could explain my fast heartbeats and the rush of blood to my face as that, just a chemical reaction. Because love didn’t exist.  
“Are you okay, Darcy? You’re all red,” he looked seriously concerned… except for that stupid amused glint in his eyes, like he knew what was going on but wouldn’t say anything to spoil the fun.   
“Yes, but I have to go now,” I explain, changing the topic (I’m a pro at this), trying to cool and control myself. “I’m free all day except for dinner; I’m obliged to eat with my parents so they know that I haven’t gone suicide or anything.” Again, I add to myself, he didn’t need to know this.  
“Oh. Sure, man. See you another time then,” he was about to turn around but as if remembering something, he doesn’t and looks at me. “Wanna go to the gym from now on with me? 5am every day.”  
“Uh… I tend to avoid exercise…”  
“Please? You don’t have to do anything, just hang out with me,” He does his own version of the puppy, in this case fluffy kitten, look and I sigh and cross my arms. “I’ll treat you to breakfast and brunch every single day until the cruise ends.”  
“Every single day?”  
“Every single day,” he grins in confirmation and I nod, agreeing to his conditions. “I knew you’d agree if I mentioned the food.” I roll my eyes and punch him on the shoulder, he blinks, not pained at all. I glare and he backs away, running around the corner shouting, “See you later, mate!”

[say I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love]

I walk to my room slowly, in a comfortable silence. The day was about to end, the sun was already down, only the moon remained, and the stars had started to shine not long ago, it was kind of sad that the seventh day was already dying out, now, we only had six days on this ship. Six days in which I’d try to kill the young, growing butterflies that flew around in my stomach. This wasn’t a place to have this chemical reaction.

[5 a.m. turn the radio up, where’s the rock and roll?] 

I am awake. At fucking 5 a.m. because some asshole (Ian) woke me up by calling me fifteen fucking time. Stupid fucking asshole.   
I had a nasty temper in the mornings. I just wanted to clear that out. So… back to the present.  
I am currently stalking all the way to the fucking pool where we’d meet to then go to the goddamn gym. I’m so gonna kick his ass once I see his stupid, pretty face. I’m gonna hit him so hard that he’s be unrecognizable. The sun was only starting to rise; the twilight was starting to fade around the edges as a pink light covered its gray corners.  
And then I saw him. I ran to him and pushed him, he didn’t even budge, but he did turn around, frowning angrily but a look of surprise erased the anger as he saw it was tiny me.  
“Don’t fucking wake me up at 4:30 in the morning, ever again,” I growl, my knuckles white at each side of my body. I wanted to hit him… And so I did. I hit him square on the jaw, turning his head slightly to the side; he grabbed his jaw with his right hand and turned around to look at me with his intense gaze albeit, almost angrily. I tried to hit him again, but he grabbed my fist and then I tried with the other one, he grabbed my wrist then, and as I tried to knee him in the gut, I lost balance, and by the surprised look on his face, he lost his too. 

[I tried to warn you; you play with fire, it’s gonna burn you] 

We were laughing. We had fallen together, me on my back and he on top of me, squeezing me against the hard wooden floor. I didn’t know what was so funny and he probably didn’t know either, but somewhere between our laughs, I ordered him to get up as I was almost out of breath, and as he propped himself on his elbows and knees so that he could stand up, our eyes met, the laughter died, we froze in place. It was as if he was eating me with his eyes, like he was reading my soul, my heart and my mind, his silver and golden eyes were as surprised as mine, but the intensity was still there, still alive and intimidating, inviting.   
I didn't know who started it, I didn't know if it was him or I, but it didn't matter. The only thing that did matter was the feel of his lips against mine, ravishing me, eating me alive, his hands were everywhere and nowhere at the same time; I could feel them under my shirt, on my hip, on my side, on my face and sometimes, I couldn't feel them at all. My hands where always roaming over his shoulders, his neck, his hair… Especially his hair, it was as soft as it looked, softer even. My skin was on fire wherever we touched, like an inferno growing under my skin, spreading like sparks on gasoline, like a wildfire gone mad. Everything tingled and ached and burnt all with raging, uncontrolled desire.   
“Just let me warn you,” he whispered against my lips as we gasped for oxygen, he was staring me dead on the eyes. “Don’t fall in love.”  
“I don’t do love,” I answered wittily, biting at his lower lip and pulling.  
Oh, how wrong I was.

[it’s a game, and we’re rogues, victims of love]

We found places where we could be alone without being molested. Sometimes it was his room, sometimes mine, sometimes it was the gym and other times a random broom closet.   
“You wanna know something, Darcy?” Ian says as he stretches, the bed sheets falling to his hips, showing his well toned torso.   
“Hum?” I’m lying down next to him, my chest against the bed and my arms under the pillow I’m resting my head on.   
“You’re such a whore,” he smirks, still with little traces of lust in his eyes, he turns on his side and caresses my back with his right hand, lowering till my buttocks and slapping my ass soundly, I hiss in response.  
“You’re no better,” I answer with a roll of my eyes, but grin slightly.  
“Since the first time I saw you I knew you were a bottom,” he adds and I glare at him, he laughs and pulls me closer to him, kissing my lips hungrily. “It’s kinda obvious, you’re so skinny and small; you couldn’t be a stud. I mean, I’m still amazed you didn’t break when I fucked you.”  
“Oh, shut up, will you,” I glare halfheartedly and pull at this lower lip with my teeth and stare up at him through my eyelashes. “We only have three days left; don’t make me hate you so soon.”   
“I’ll try,” he smiles cheekily and climbs on top of me, ravishing me once again with his lips, I didn’t care about what would happen afterwards… after when the cruise ended. After all, I wouldn’t fall in love, I never did and it was against the rules. 

[now you’re backtrack running away, cause it just happened again and you just wanted to end]

This was the last day. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It wasn’t at all. He warned you. But you never listened to rules.  
“Darcy, darling,” calls my mom, snapping me out of my thoughts. “This kind young man has been waiting for your order for the past two minutes.”  
“Oh, sorry, my mind wandered off,” I apologize and smile apologetically. “Give me the spaghetti a la Huancaína.”   
“With sirloin?” Asks the waiter as he writes on his notepad, I nod. “Raw, three quarters?”  
“Three quarters.”  
“Okay, something to drink?”   
“A virgin strawberry daiquiri,” I say and close the menu and give it to him.  
“I’ll be back with all your drinks in a few,” says the waiter before running off.  
“Where has your mind, and body by the way, been the past few days, darling?” Asks my mum as she holds my hand over the table, she was too curious. “You missed dinner yesterday, we were worried.”  
Oh. Yesterday… I was with Ian.  
“Oh, just hanging out with a friend,” I shrug like it wasn’t anything important.   
“Ian?” She guesses and I freeze for a second and nod, without changing my facial expression.  
“Who’s Ian? Another toy?” Asks my dad, fifty five times and counting.  
“Walter!” My mom reprimands, glaring. “Don’t be so rude!”  
My dad’s name is pronounced with a V, like it should be, not with a W.  
“Yes, that’s exactly what Ian is, another toy I can play with and then throw away,” I say venomously with a glare. “What makes me the angriest is not that you’re right, but that this time, I’ve grown too attached to the toy to throw it away.” Again.  
I stand up brusquely and walk to the double doors of the restaurant, catching a glimmer of silver and gold as I went out.   
“Darcy!” His shout is the last thing I heard before running away. I always ran away.

[I just wanna talk to you… for the last time]

“Hey,” this was too shy for him. “What happened in there? Who did you hit this time?” I laugh dryly with red eyes and a broken voice. “Are you okay, Darcy?”  
“I’m fine,” I say, looking ahead.  
“You’re not fine, Darcy. I can see that.” He says softly looking at me.   
“But isn’t that what I’m supposed to say?” He doesn’t say anything to this; he knows it’s going to be a long, deep, heavy, sad, angry rant. “I’ve always said I’m fine, even if I’ve never been ‘fine’ in my life. I’ve never felt okay or fine or well. I’ve always been sad or angry or lonely or broken or lost or just… just plain nothing. Empty. But that’s not what people want to hear; they never want to hear how you really feel, but how they expect you to feel.   
I’ve felt anxious, irrelevant and unimportant and so very empty, and those are the most dangerous of all feelings. Those are the ones that make you do things, sadness doesn’t, but emptiness does. It all started with that damn anxiety. I started having anxiety and panic attacks when I was at school, once I scratched my face until I bled, I cried and hyperventilated and it all went down from there. I’ve hurt myself so bad before, so very bad, that I was covered in blood everywhere; my arms, my legs, my stomach, everywhere. I was taken to emergency with the tag ‘attempted suicide’, so they knew better and took even pens away from me. And I realized then, that I didn’t care about death, I wouldn’t have minded if I had died, maybe then I wouldn’t be plagued with this fucking self loath and this regret. I regretted it afterwards, not because I had done it, but because of my parents, especially my mom, she was so broken hearted, so sad, asking what she had done wrong. I felt very bad for making her cry. I felt filthy and evil and selfish.” I pause there, and look from the corner of my eye at Ian; he was looking ahead, at the dark night sea. His eyes were unreadable. “I am selfish though, I’m very selfish. I’m a spoiled, selfish brat. I don’t care about anyone else but myself.  
“After the incident, I was on suicide watch. I couldn’t be out of my mom’s gaze for more than three minutes and when I had to shower; my mom had to be in the bathroom too. Can you believe it? It wasn’t like I was going to try to kill myself again. At least, I didn’t think that I would at the time, but I did, I did try to kill myself again… twice. I survived every time, well, that’s obvious, but the point is that I never knew if I wanted to survive or not. I wanted to die, to try to die, but I never found out if I wanted to survive, but I did find out that I wanted to be saved. Maybe not to survive, but I did want to be saved. And I’m still waiting, you know? I still want to be saved.” I finish the rant with that; I huff as I had talked incredibly fast because of the anxiety. That goddamn anxiety. “But I learnt to be happy, or look like it, even when I was sad and that’s important. And I learnt to accept that life isn’t life if things are fair.”  
“It always rains on those who deserve the sun,” Ian says after a long while, his voice is soft and small, a tone that shouldn’t be his because he is greatness, he’s light not darkness, he isn’t the shadow that to exist needs to live off of the light. He’s not like me. 

[sometimes, the unbreakable breaks in half]

And that’s when I broke down. I cried, the sting of my eyes finally releasing into tears. In that second, that second that my walls shattered, I realized everything, I realized how stupid I had been for not realizing it until now.   
“I’m sorry Darcy,” he said, I sobbed harder. “I can’t save you.” He stood up and with every step I felt my heart tearing apart, molecule per molecule. I felt like I was going numb on every single part of my body, starting from the left side of my chest. I had done it again.  
Three seconds. It took him three seconds to break my heart.

[this used to be a funhouse]

I cried and sobbed and whatnot for what felt like hours. I returned to my room at the odd hours of the night, my mom was waiting there, when she saw me she sighed in relief but her eyes widened when she saw my eyes, they were puffy and of an angry red. She hugged me and I cried some more.  
It seemed I could only cry that night.   
I was awake the whole night just sitting on one of the chairs I had pulled to my balcony, I stared ahead, saw land getting closer. It was 9 a.m. when we arrived and had to get out.   
It rained that day. 

[goodbye my almost lover, my hopeless dream]

Somehow, everyone had gotten an umbrella, everyone but me. I walked under the rain, I cared no longer. But as we walked to the nearest hotel, I saw him and he saw me. Our eyes met. The moon and the sun met a storm. We froze in place and time seemed to stop too, it was our silent goodbye. But everything went back to motion when Christopher walked on to Ian and he followed Ian’s gaze, and saw me, he waved but I just looked down and kept walking, arms around myself, preventing me to fall apart.   
“Are you alright, darling?” My mom asks me in her rich French accent, I nod absentmindedly.   
“I’m fine, mum.” I’ve never been better in my whole life.  
“I’m glad,” she smiles and I smile back, trying my best not to show my sadness.

[maybe you were just too nice to me, and maybe, it took me way too long to leave]

I was home, back from the cruise and just came back to pack once again before leaving for Europe.   
“Nanda,” I greet my blue-eyed friend as her cam turned on, we were skyping again, but this time, just her and I.  
“My favorite albino,” she grins and giggles.  
“I’m not albino,” I deadpan and glare halfheartedly.   
“Did anything fun happen?” She asks, curious as she is.  
“Not really,” I shrug and then push my luck. “Did you know Christopher has a brother?”  
“Duh!” She rolls her eyes. “He’s my boyfriend you know, of course I know! But, what about it?”  
“Oh, nothing, met him at the cruise,” I shrugged.   
“Is he cute? Like, in real life?”   
“You don’t know-know him?” I ask her, bewildered.   
“No, duh. He lives in Italy-England-France with his uncle and his dad,” she smiles at me and rolls her eyes again, amused.  
“Italy-England-France?” I raise my eyebrows and she giggles.  
“Yup, normally, he lives in Italy though,” she explains frowning slightly, concentrated. “But he’s constantly moving from place to place because he’s a photographer and a model for his uncle’s agency.”  
“Oh.”  
“Why do you ask though?”  
“Nothing really, didn’t talk to him much but I realized he had a Brit accent, so…” I shrug. “Hey, Nanda, have to pack, so yeah, talk to you soon?”  
“Sure, just give me a call!”   
“Okay, love you.”  
“Love you too!”  
Her screen went black and I closed Skype before turning my laptop off. 

[now and then, I think of when we were together]

Three years.   
It had been three years since that cruise and I still missed it, I still missed him. I missed him so bad.   
I remembered clearly that I didn’t get to kiss him goodbye. I remembered how he just walked away. It was gonna happen, I knew that, we were meant to fall apart, but I was glad that those eight days with him happened. Those eight days in which I was happy for the very first time in my life.   
I was now studying music and acting. I had decided to become an actor, I was gonna be known and maybe one day, he’d go to the movies and see my face on the big screen and he’d remember me. And maybe, he’d look for me, and I wouldn’t be the only one that felt this way. But I knew I was hoping with a fragile hope and it was meant to fall apart too.  
Sometimes, I would grab my cellphone and roam through the contact list, and see his name, and I’d wonder if he still had the same phone, and if he had, if he still had me on his contacts too. If he still had all the pictures we took with his cellphone, I still had the ones I took. I still had them and that’s why I had disagreed when my mom asked me if I wanted a new phone. I didn’t want to erase that part of my life.  
I didn’t want to forget him. 

[what a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding says a bridesmaid to a waiter]

Christopher and Nanda were getting married.   
They were getting married. What the fuck. When did this happen? I had no idea. I had been so busy with my studies and graduating and trying not to kill myself in the process that I had totally ignored everything she had told me or at least, just forgotten.   
And the wedding was tomorrow.   
Damn it. I was going to have to run to buy a suit and a gift. 

[thump, thump, thump goes my heart again … because I was meant to be with you]

Three years had passed since I had last scene that glimmer of silver and gold, but I would never forget those eyes. Maybe, if enough time passed, maybe I could forget the face but never the eyes. And because of that I was nervous, because there he was, standing tall and beautiful and confident and never mine. Never mine.  
He was right beside the groom, he was the best man, and he was breathtakingly beautiful. I could feel my heart beating wildly against my ribcage, my blood rushing everywhere, tingly, burning, as if I had been dead all this time. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him; my heart ached, stirring from its slumber. 

[love is more than just a game for two … love was made for me and you]

It was now time for the First Dance, Nanda was stunning in her white dress as Christopher spun her around a few times and then hugged her close to his body. The love was there, it was undeniable. They were happy.  
I sighed and looked down, I was sitting down on a table with my parents, Nanda’s and Chris’ family, it was kinda awkward at first, but then things had flowed smoothly as my mom did all of the talking with Nanda’s mom. Ian was on the far end of the table, far from me, and I was trying to avoid looking to his seat, I didn’t know if he remembered me or not but I was nervous anyway. I looked at my mom and confirmed whatever she had said and looked at the just married husband and wife. Another two couple poured on to the dance floor as the song changed to L.O.V.E. by Nat King Cole.   
Suddenly I was tapped on the shoulder and I turned around, sucking in a surprised breath when I saw a pair of mesmerizing, intense eyes.   
“Would you like to dance with me?” He extended his hand to me to help me out of my chair, like three years ago when we were having lunch, but this time, I didn’t smack it away, instead, I took it and let myself be guided to the dance floor.  
“I’m Ian,” he said with an amused smile as we started dancing to the rhythm. “Nice to meet you.”  
“I’m Darcy,” I answered with a soft smile and a blush. “Same.”  
“Last time, I heard you needed a savior, and I think I can play the part now,” his tone was nonchalant but his eyes were serious.   
“What makes you so sure?” I asked raising my eyebrows. “Last time, you just walked away.”  
“Because this time, there’s a different rule,” he whispered into my ear, I blushed brightly and bit my lip, my heart beat faster with expectations. “Fall in love with me.” He pulled back enough to look me in the eyes as we stopped dancing; I brought my hands to his face and pulled him down, pressing our lips together with a smile.  
I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.

[and I swear; now everything is perfect]

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this one-shot as these are probably my favorite characters (Darcy and Ian), Darcy is actually like my gay boy alter ego, as he is based off of me. And well, Ian is just a character that happens to appear in every single story I write, or at least, in most of them.  
> This is the first slash I’ve finished and I’m pretty proud as it came out so… yeah. Haha. Reviews are greatly appreciated!  
> And I really wanna thank John Green’s quote because if I hadn’t read it while I was organizing my pictures I wouldn’t have had a title for this story so yeah. ^_^  
> The lyrics belong, respectively, to: Good Charlotte (Boys & Girls), Good Charlotte (Dance Floor Anthem), Good Charlotte (Boys & Girls), Sleeping With Sirens (Don’t Fall Asleep at the Helm), The Wombats (Techno Fan), The Wombats (Walking Disasters), Nat King Cole (L.O.V.E.), Lady Gaga (Born This Way), Nat King Cole (L.O.V.E.), Good Charlotte (Victims of Love), Good Charlotte (Dance Floor Anthem), P!NK (Raise Your Glass), Good Charlotte (Victims of Love), Good Charlotte (Victims of Love), Nat & Alex Wolff (Colorful Raindrops), Nat & Alex Wolff (Colorful Raindrops), P!NK (Funhouse), A Fine Frenzy (Almost Lover), Gabrielle Aplin (Panic Cord), Gotye (Somebody That I Used to Know), Panic! At the Disco (I Write Sins Not Tragedies), Nat & Alex Wolff (Thump Thump Thump), Nat King Cole (L.O.V.E. and Marianas Trench (Perfect).  
> And if you haven’t heard this songs I greatly recommend them, a lot of them are my personal favorites. (Especially Perfect by Marianas Trench, I’ve heard it 400 times (my iTunes says so) since… May I think, it would have been more but when I actualized my iTunes all the Plays restarted but that was on May and I think had 527 plays back then so I’ve heard this song around 927 times since September last year :D Also, I completely adore Almost Lover, Walking Disasters, Techno Fan, Panic Cord, Victims of Love, Dance Floor Anthem, L.O.V.E. and Colorful Raindrops).  
> Well, I have to go back to Hogwarts, so thank you for reading this story and take a Nutella if you were nice enough to review or favorite. c:   
> I’m out, muggles!


End file.
